if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
