ya dads aren't the best wingmen
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
