Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
