i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
