I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize