sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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