I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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