I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
