Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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