My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
