How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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