We won't sleep together?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize