I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
