College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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