I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She's the barista slut.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
