11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
