I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize