I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize