dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
