Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize