Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
did i walk over a car last night?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
