I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
