I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
