Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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