Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
