your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
