but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
