does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
worst night to have a conscience
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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