your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize