Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
