i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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