Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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