I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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