I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize