my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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