# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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