True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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