Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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