At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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