lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
