remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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