Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
