I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
