8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
