im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
