he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize