Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
