Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
