Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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