i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
