Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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