Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
