i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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