The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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