Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
