im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
