Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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