drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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