mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
