i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
