...so i touched it.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i drank out of a bidet.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I think i got beer on your cat.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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