I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize