we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think I am morally bankrupt
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
