We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
