I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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