The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
