She said her name was "party"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
