New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
