my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Its about making memories worth repressing
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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