If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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