where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize