All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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