Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
