I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
