But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
