i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
