I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
