I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Duck Duck Cougar?
she looked like the before picture.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
