Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
