I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
