We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
