Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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