If that was your dad, he is hot
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
