I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
