Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
