I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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