You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
