So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
