I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
