Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
