When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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