I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
