I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
