I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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