the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize