gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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