I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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