I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
