dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
