the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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