Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I looked at my own cervix.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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