If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize