Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
